Part 2 - My 25th Birthday, No Cake, 1st Rice Drink and an Advice for Life!

Past few months have been great. I have started feeling that this world is revolving around me.
My happiness is getting out of control!

I used to believe that sharing something with the world that I'm honestly happy about, will only make me go further away from it. I may not be as happy about it anymore.

If you have read Part 1 of this post, (posted on 29th september 2015 - http://seh-aj.blogspot.in/2015/09/my-25th-birthday-no-cake-1st-rice-drink.html) you will understand that i was standing at a turning point in my life from where i would have really judged myself if things didn't go the way I have always wanted. The way I have seen things to be like infront of me.

When the waiter said ...

'I wish I had someone with whom I could click pictures. I wish I could be with someone the way they are with each other (pointing to my parents). You know what? I will not find anyone with whom I can be like this, because I have never seen this example in my house. But you will. You will find this love because you have seen this all you life. You will find someone and share this love with him.'


I thought to myself, this is really nice. He knows more about my life than i do. And yes, I wanted that kind of love in my life. Who knew that in less than a year, I would have someone send me the pictures of the same restaurant where I went - Just because he had read my earlier post and understood its impact on me. I can feel it reaching out to me - the love.

Here are 2 picture of MEXICALI during day, and night. These were sent to me by him, who understood my sensitivity and wishes to go there with me, on my birthday :) Isn't that what I wished for?

Who is next?

Anybody who has attended a punjabi wedding will know what KALEERA or KALEEREY (Plural for KALEERA) are. It an accessory worn by the bride around her wrist made from light metal or roses. These are a gift to the Bride from the maternal side and are usually tied on both her wrists a day before the Wedding. 

On the wedding day, there is a small KALEERA test that takes place. Dropping the KALEERA on the head of a young unmarried women is the North Indian equivalent of throwing the bridal bouquet - if a KALEERA comes off on a particular head, that young woman might soon be the NEXT in line to get married. 

I personally have never had my luck tested until 22nd Nov 2015 when I attended one of my best friend's sister's wedding. Even that night I was a little reluctant to bend under her KALEEREY while she shook them above my head. But nevertheless excited to see what's in store for me. We take this seriously. Everyone else had already got themselves tested the same morning and I was the only one left. So naturally, when I was tested, there were a few people in the room just to see the results. 

The Bride shook her hands for good 3 seconds above my head, nothing happened. I left a sigh of relief. Then, she clapped her wrists so that the chances of the KALEERA falling become higher. Still nothing. In that moment, I realised that I was sort of getting disappointed, started feeling that it wasn't going to happen to me anytime soon. So I laughingly called out "leave it. bas. rehne do. thank you". As I was getting myself up, I felt something weird in my hair... A KALEERA had just fallen on my head!

And that was it, everybody had something to talk about. Its been almost 7 months now.  And things are looking good. In fact, I met someone the very next day from when I passed the KALEERA test. I will forever thank the Bride for blessing me. Receiving that piece of KALEERA from her is what makes it more special. I have kept it safe with me and had it along with me in my purse when I met that someone. I will cherish it forever. 

I hope I get a chance to have my friend bend over for her KALEERA test on my wedding! That would be so special! 

Thank You Vinita and Geeta (Friend's sister aka The Bride) !!

How to make a BABY ?

The day I went to the clinic ...

It was a kind of clinic where you can get x'rays and ultrasounds.. once complete, you meet a doctor and they read out what they understand from the report on the computer screen. But they are not real doctors. They just read out the reports for you. You can then, pick up the hard copy of the report from the same clinic by evening, to show it to your real doctor.

So I happened to come across two women who were pregnant. Im not very experienced myself, but I can say that one of them was 8 months in, and the other was 6-7 months in. My mom was with me in the clinic. We were waiting for our turn. I couldn't help but express, the awkward feeling I had in me. The size of the women's bodies made me contract inside. I have always loved babies and playing with them, but whenever I hear about pregnancy or see someone, I start imagining how tough those 9 months would be.

I wondered how my mom did it? How my Grandmom did it back then..? How these ladies would do it.. ? and moooost importantly, How would I be able to do this???

I tried to distract myself from these scary thoughts, and pulled out my phone. By then the doctor called us in. I was asked to leave the room.

So there I was, all alone, sitting on a cushioned  bench and doing something on my phone. Every now and then I'd lift my face, I would see the two women walking very slowly about the clinic carrying their big belly infront of them, their husbands carrying their bags, water etc...

One of the couples, who was 6 months in, was accompanied by their mother. How sweet! So the Wife goes inside the Doctor's room. And the husband along with the mother stayed outside. After a while, the Doctor opened the door slightly and called out for the Ladies' Husband. He excitedly went inside. The only thing I was wondering at that time was.. 'How tough is this! Giving birth to a child, so many people involved, so much time required. Too much hardwork.' The husband and wife spent some time in the room with the doctor.

By this time I was completely involved with my phone. Since the doctor's door was right infant of my seat, I couldn't avoid listening. The husband came out, followed by his wife. The Mother stood up, anxious to know the progress. They went to the corner of the clinic as their excitement was getting out of control. The husband's back was towards me and I couldn't really see or hear him talk.

The couple's mother came near the doctor's door. I was about to witness the 'I AM SO GRATEFUL TO YOU DOCTOR!' moment. I waited along with the mother for the doctor to open the door. The doctor opened the door and asked the Mother if she needed something? To that, the couple's mother replied, "Doctor, why do we need to get an Abortion?".

I sat there, wondering what went wrong? The lady's child was so beautifully due in 3 months, then how can this happen? If the lady already has a child and this was the second time she was getting pregnant, was could have possibly gone wrong? Millions of questions started running on my mind, when I brought myself back to the scene. Doctor replied, "Due to unhealthy pregnancy conditions, the child's heartbeat is very slow. We need to do this."

In a flash, everything was taken away from the family even before they received it. I saw their faces. They held back their tears, but couldn't keep a straight face. I could feel their expectations shattering on the clinic floor.

I wanted to take back all the things I said about pregnancy and babies. How could such a beautiful thing be TROUBLE? Not everyone is lucky to bring a life into this world. Not everyone is chosen by God to perform this noble act. Why was I complaining? I sensed that this was God's way of making me realise, in that short visit to the clinic, about how easily He could give and take away things from us human beings.

- io lo merito -

The last time I wrote here, it was not just a blog post written about the best advice I got from a stranger, but it was also a huge attempt in making myself believe, that everything was going to be alright again.

Well, here I am... already feeling more alive than ever... Feeling that so called 'mexicalli dust' rubbed off on me real good. When I heard that guy speak to me that day, no matter how good it made me feel, it sounded very unreal. Sounded like a thing that if happened to someone in their life, they  should consider themselves lucky. It was very difficult for me to believe if something like that was even going to happen someday - If I was going to find the right person with whom I can share the love that I have always seen in my life through my parents.

Now get this... There may be a slight chance that it's happening to me... and now, it has become more difficult than ever, to believe that this is happening.

Maybe this is just an illusion, or MAYBE it is just another illusion that this might be an illusion ;)

More on this next week... cheers!

My 25th Birthday, No Cake, 1st Rice Drink and an Advice for Life!

So I promised on my instagram account that I would be writing about this... and here it goes !! Make sure you read this till the end to actually know what happened.

For those who missed my post on instagram, please click on the below link to reach the page -

My Instagram Post

It was 22nd of July, 2015, my 25th birthday and I was super excited to celebrate it in a place like California, USA. Who wouldn't be? :S

I was with my Mom and Dad.. now most you must be thinking '.. California = ok, 25th birthday = ok, with parents = WHAT!!?' ... i could also think like that, but it would have kept me away from the unforgettable advice that i received while i was out for lunch with them... Unknowingly, i chose to be happy and eagerly wait for whatever would have happened...

The night before my birthday, wasn't very exciting. My birthday eve was just a normal dinner at a mexican place where I got a sea food burrito... and someone suggested me to try out a mexican drink called 'ochata' made from rice with a flavour of cinnamon. I was tempted, but was unsure of trying out a new drink with someone i didn't know very well... I may not have like it and would end up in an awkward situation wherein I might have to gulp down the whole drink and puke later out of disgust OR simply leave the glass full, disappointing the person I was with.

How could a drink made from rice taste?? I was curious but passed the offer as I was very unsure of my reaction. 

Since I was in a different time zone, my friends back in India had already wished me on 'my afternoon' (their midnight).. which was a beautiful gesture. However, I didn't know that, that meant I wouldn't be getting any calls at all on the midnight of my american birthday :P
It was my first birthday ever, where I didn't have a cake to cut as it struck 12am and no calls from any of my real friends.

I had a very weird feeling when i slept that night. The birthday eve wasn't the best, and I wasn't expecting anything massive for the next day either. We were supposed to move out of our airbnb home and drive to Oakland to catch our next flight to Texas in around 5pm. I just knew the best thing to do was to think that it wasn't my birthday at all! Thinking about the date would only keep reminding me more about the reality and  I would expect more out of my day.

So we woke up the next day (my american birthday), like it was any normal day. Mom Dad wished me, hugged me, and we started planning our day. Only after sometime, we back calculated and realized that we only had enough time to go out for lunch and then head straight to the airport.

Mom and Dad wishing me, made me think about how when you are away from the world, from all your friends, your family will always be there with you.. be it good times/ bad times, or times when you don't realise what an important part they play in your life.

We knew about this market close by, where we had been going for groceries/ movies and needed to go to FedEx to get our flight tickets printed. After getting our tickets we found a place in the market to grab some lunch. It was a mexican place called 'Mexicali Grill'. Oh no, not mexican agaaiiiin!!!

But i told myself, this experience should be different from the night before.. It will be different! in a good way :)

We planned to sit outside and enjoy the Californian weather for the last time... Who knows if I'll ever come back again. I sat there on one side of the table with Mom and Dad sitting opposite me.

Now here comes the heroic entry of this guy... He's the waiter and he gets us the best nachos with awesome salsa sauce that Ive had in my life..! And I am not exaggerating. It just tasted perfect.. or maybe I was just too happy to be with the people who care about me. It felt like bliss.

We gave the waiter our order with our mouths half full of the awesome nachos.. This time I was smart enough not to order sea food burrito, but to order hard shell sea food taco instead!

Just as the waiter was leaving (sorry Ive lost his name somewhere in my memory bank).. I asked him for 'Ochata'.. He was very happy to hear that I knew about this drink and was happy to serve me. It was pretty sunny out there, but pleasant and windy at the same time. While we all were waiting for our drinks, Mom Dad started their self session.. 'When bored, jus take out your phone and start clicking random pictures.. Of anything you find remotely worth remembering'. I felt a lil silly, but knew that they were enjoying this moment.

A few minutes later, the waiter arrived again with our drinks, followed by food. To my surprise, Ochata was very refreshingly tasty. I sort of felt happy that I hadn't tried it the night before, I was happy that I was trying something new on my birthday with the people I loved. The seafood taco beat my expectations. It was delicious!

The waiter paid another visit very soon to ask us how the food was. Our response was obvious, and so was our repeat order for another round of drinks. While me and Dad ordered something more, Mom started with clicking selfies again, when my Dad asked the guy to wait, got the selfie clicked and then continued with the order again. This time, the waited let out a small laugh followed by a slight sound of something. Seemed like he wanted to say something. He noted the rest of the order and started heading back to the kitchen when I called for him again. He turned around and reached our table. I asked him if there was something he wanted to say? This is what he said to me :

'I wish I had someone with whom I could click pictures. I wish I could be with someone the way they are with each other (pointing to my parents). You know what? I will not find anyone with whom I can be like this, because I have never seen this example in my house. But you will. You will find this love because you have seen this all you life. You will find someone and share this love with him.'

Deja Vu

Welcome!
 - To the same place in your head.
 - Where you made a choice
 - Which you failed to live up to

Welcome!
 - To the same feeling in your heart
 - Which made you feel unhappy
 - Which made you feel lost

Welcome!
 - To the consequences of your own actions
 - To ownership of your own words
 - To empower your world which will make you stronger

Welcome!
 - To another chance at things
 - To make your own choices
 - To love yourself again

Welcome!
 - To a new day
 - To another possibility of success
 - To another possibly of mistake

Same Feeling

Dear You,

You left this place a while ago, searching for relief. You so badly wanted to leave that the thought of coming back made you sick. You were finding ways to stay away from this place.. You wanted to go anywhere, but here. But still, I see you coming back to this place, happier than ever.
What happened? What changed your mind? How did you end up here in this place again?

Inquisitive,
Me.




Dear Me,

Yes, I wanted to run away and never return to this place ever again. I had my fears.
I guess, the more I stayed away from this, the more I understood what I was missing. It is true, that in a moment of confusion I started hating everything and did the best I could do, maintained my distance. But in no way did I erase it from my life, my memories, my heart.

It is true, when I have something, I really don't realise what I have until I lose it. And then I hope that the universe listens to my secret prayers, and gives me a final last chance to make my dreams come true.

Lucky,
You.




Dear You,

Ohhh.... Now you get it! This distance was like your 'brick wall' and you have finally learnt how to 'romance' with your brick wall. Doesn't mean that you have started accepting all that you get, or all that you can't change, but instead, you have learnt how much you love this place and the intensity of your feelings with which you want to come back. It shows how much you want to break down this brick wall to reach the other side.

Am I right?
Me.




Dear Me,

Wow, I never looked at it from that angle. Its true. I really wanted another chance, and I didn't want to waste it. So without thinking, I jumped right into it when I saw it coming. I don't usually do that, but this life has tested my patience, and is offering me another chance right in my hands this time. I would be a fool to even think twice. I wonder if I was so sure about something as much as this ever before. This makes me immensely happy as well as nervous. But if God has this planned for me, I will embrace it with open arms and ask no questions.

Optimistic,
You.